I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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