Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
