What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
