Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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