if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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