Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
