i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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