guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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