I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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