Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
