Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize