you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
