He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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