Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
