I CAN MOONWALK!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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