girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
