i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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