i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
