We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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