By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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