Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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