I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
