Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
