I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize