your parents love me but you hate me
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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