I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
