He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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