worst night to have a conscience
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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