I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
