Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
