just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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