rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
