I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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