Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
