i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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