I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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