So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
