wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
