You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
