just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
