How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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