I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
