So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i will never coherently bang her
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
