You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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