I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
