When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize