tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
