I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
