i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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