I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
