I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
