I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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