You're so nebulous sometimes
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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