Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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