It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
