His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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