I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
