If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
