I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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