Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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