So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
