Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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